My Journal

Every semester as part of our assignment at SWTC, we had to journal. Let me tell you, I am not a journaler. I am more of a seek-out a good friend and call them or go to coffee. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy writing, but I do not enjoy being forced to do it. I think it takes on a more reverent place in my life. Like, if I am gonna write, I want it to come from an authentic place, if that makes sense. Nevertheless, this was one of my more authentic, heart-felt, albeit naive entries….

Ahhh, the ever-present journal is back for its last semester, thank the heavens.  Let’s see, this semester, I look forward to learning in some of that stuff that shows you really what you are made of— like hemorrhage and shoulder dystocia.  You can’t really show your cards until its sudden death, literally, and you have to make a move, hopefully the correct ones at that. 

I look forward to (ok I am a bit anxious) but also excited to be called on the carpet—so you have seen this before, you have read about it, you have had a quiz on it, and a few power points—what are you going to do about it in a scenario and real life? Will I be able to draw upon my knowledge with swift voracity and deftness or will I fold?  Karen expects a lot, which has both its good and bad points. She is an amazing woman—so kind and generous and offers the moon in terms of teaching new skills and finding ways to get you the opportunities you need to succeed, but oh my, what pressure. Trying to concentrate and remember so many new protocols and procedures is mind-numbing some days.  My pillow calls my name while my brain yearns for autopilot.  Spoiled by the crystal blue water and snow white sand, I never liked the Atlantic Ocean, but believe me, it’s like a couch at the shrink’s office for me now.  I go there to renew my low vitamin D levels and spirit.  Here my tears can reunite with other molecules of salt water from beneath my superstar sunglasses and my sobs drowned in the sound of laboring waves. Thankfully, I haven’t had too much time for this kind of therapy and instead enjoy the healing sunlight, but am glad it is available.

 It is time to test our skills or perhaps learn it for the first time in the field. I entertain the idea of these new challenges ahead and look forward to being able to forge into my being with direct confidence and renewed abilities. This is the time to blossom, I plan to take every chance and opportunity I can and go after these skills and competencies.  It isn’t time to be a late bloomer or in my case even wear bloomers.

I think my goals for this semester expand beyond the classroom further than they ever have before into managing not just my birth environment, my business, and my clients, but also my personal life.  Keeping my family together, even though we are apart, will be difficult at best.  I will be working and hopefully trying to focus on finishing up all that is before me in a relatively short amount of time, so I need to be balanced now more than ever. Thankfully I am a Libra, so it should all work out as it should if I listen to the universe and myself—together I will go where I am needed and accomplish what I should.