Tag: babies

I was a bit pissed off when I first arrived here. I had been at a birth with one midwife and she decided that I would leave that birth (it was a transport for a section) and head to help with another birth.  Great, right? Well, this midwife knew that the day before, the other midwife had lost the first baby ever in her career. And now I would be heading to a birth on the heels of this tragedy, knowing full well that it could take hours, days, or weeks—who knows how long to process this and be able to properly care for women again. Sure, you can get back up and keep riding, but emotionally are you there, spiritually are you present? Thankfully this has never happened to me, and maybe this is a problem for me that I need to learn—but I tend to process and analyze and reprocess and reanalyze everything until I have mulled over and over and over again. I think about a week of births last semester that began with a birth where the baby was not breathing. Then the next day another mom transported to Madison for PTL. Then another mother was at the hospital and birthing a baby with genetic mutations. I practically caught that terminal baby, but you know what? I was still hung up on the birth 3 days earlier of the non-breathing baby and how I could have done better. It took many weeks of friend therapy to get past that birth. Did I go back and process the others, sure, in their own time, but would it have been better to be present (totally) at the time of their births, um, yes.

Plus, I know I had debriefing that I needed to do. I needed important feedback on how to do better next time. I needed to cry. I needed to mourn. I needed time. Now, maybe this midwife and her assistant did all these things quickly and in their own way. Maybe processing this was relatively speaking, easy for them? I won’t know unless I ask, but wouldn’t you at least let the new assist know what she is about to step her foot into? Sure, she is a talented and marvelous midwife and we all make mistakes and misjudge and have unfortunate events take place in our lives, but really—where is the transparency and communication with those who you are requiring to have your back and be part of your team? What is with these midwives and informed consent? Sheesh.

When did I find out about this baby death–the morning after the birth that I attended with them. Should they have said anything? No, they didn’t have to, but wouldn’t it have been quite considerate if they just mentioned—hey could handle the baby care for us? We just had a death and are a bit shaken and need a fresh, unstressed pair of eyes to be present at this birth for us. I don’t know. I tend to be idealistic and expect the best from everyone. We are just human after all. Aside from our rocky beginning, I like this midwife. She is eccentric and makes birth happen. I could clearly see myself following in her footsteps with slight modifications in place.