Tag: expectations

            I usually have high expectations and end up being disappointed.  So, I am trying hard to be more realistic than idealistic.  Being involved in the Louisiana midwifery community for several years has allowed me to slowly become more comfortable with harnessing my passion of birth and redirecting it to serve women as they see fit instead of some glorified unrealistic birth dream that I have.  Maintaining this train of thought is now the goal.   I expect this course to stretch my mind in ways it hasn’t been stretched by engaging what I know, with what I learn and encouraging me to apply all of it to a variety of scenarios.   I expect to learn

• the reason behind many of the seemingly routine practices in midwifery, particularly—what are midwives looking for—or more importantly—what are they thinking (since I want to be the kind of midwife who isn’t spending a whole lot of time looking or doing, but rather just being).
• all the medical jargon that my obstetric counterparts are learning so that I can understand their perspective and be able to converse quickly, competently and respectfully.  
• how to chart smartly in a legal context 😉
• how to take a client from start to finish i.e. not necessary what to do next, but how to approach issues, what to say, how to frame it.  By being a LLL leader, I have grown to learn what is appropriate to say and what is not, as this is one area of mine with plenty of growth potential 😉
•  the anatomy of the reproductive organs and all that mundane stuff, which I do appreciate.  It is training me in the areas I need to know, which is what I am here for.  If I was to pursue the PEP process without this program, I know myself good enough (finally!) to know that I wouldn’t learn the information as well as if I just studied for NARM myself.  So, this class has the potential to be a great launching pad for my ‘formal’ studies in midwifery and I don’t know if I have said this enough—I am so grateful the program is here and I have the opportunity to be part of it!

My goals are expansive this semester.  They range from merely surviving to enhancing my repertoire of skills.  Since arriving I have caught myself several times crying, not because I am sad, but because I am so fortunate to have had this opportunity to pursue this path—my path– into midwifery.  Yes, at times it is a bit overwhelming, I cannot deny that, but only overwhelming in the sense of how far out of my comfort zone will I go to fulfill this dream?  And it isn’t knowing the answer to that question which is important, because there isn’t one.  It is in the excitement of being so surprised (in a good way) at myself and the feeling that this is where I am supposed to be—those are the overwhelming parts.  It is talking to my friends in Louisiana on the phone and remembering their births and being inspired to return to Louisiana or wherever I land and be in a position to offer more families and that community more choices.  Being here feels normal—like the next step in the journey.  So, as I meet new friends (usually mothers of my daughter’s friends) and they say to me ‘wow, you are so brave to come here for that!’ I have to remember that not everyone understands my journey, just like I wouldn’t necessarily understand theirs.   It is my story and by allowing it to unfold however– is the most comforting thing in the world right now.

Knowing myself, I need to stay focused on attaining my goals. My goal is to piece what information and experience I have thus far into something resembling a sponge-of-a-midwifery student.   I feel blessed in the fact that I have been given a new lease on my midwifery life, so I want to soak up all that is before me.  I have committed myself, my family, my friends, and everything in between to a life in Wisconsin and I have no desire to let any of us down.  In the past, I have been more of a procrastinator than I would like to be and time management has never been my strongpoint, but last semester gave me the opportunity to decide if I really want this—so I had to make some personal choices and change some old habits.  Now that I have decluttered a bit and opened myself up to the potentiality of this opportunity, I am to stay focused on learning as much as I can while I have all these valuable resources available to me, while maintaining my marriage from afar and mothering my children.  It will be challenging, but I am strong and ready—bring it.