I got an email from a potential preceptor yesterday, so I called her this morning, but I forgot to ask, if she was available to talk at that moment, which she wasn’t. DOH! I remember reading that in the handbook. It is one of the first things I am supposed to do! Preceptor 1, apprentice 0. I can’t believe I didn’t ask her that, but I was so excited and nervous, I just didn’t think. *sigh* I can take the embarrassment; I just don’t want to embarrass the program. However, she called me back and she wants to meet me as soon as possible, which is jaw-dropping awesome, but it will take me all day and night to be mentally prepared for what to say during out meeting/interview! AHHHH!!! And I thought I was going to study tonight! There is NO way I will sleep tonight! I am waaaaaaaay too excited!
My potential preceptor-to-be called me this morning as I was pulling out of the driveway. *sigh* apparently a birth was going down in Iowa and my appointment was to be rescheduled at a later date. It wasn’t rescheduled then, much to my sadness, but I understand that she doesn’t know when her next free moment will be; however, it doesn’t make it any less easy to deal with. I hope I didn’t sound too disappointed on the phone, after all I hadn’t had any caffeine or any food for that matter.
For whatever it is worth, is this whole adventure really feasible? The thought of attending a clinic is comforting in its stability, but the thought of attempting to attend births is mind-boggling. Will I make it to most of them? Or will I just be wasting a lot of gas, time, but beefing up my postpartum and newborn skills? I shouldn’t worry about this now. But will the births or clinical visits in Minnesota or Iowa even count towards my required hours in Wisconsin? This seems strange to me. Just go with it I tell myself. Just go with it. First get preceptorship, and then worry about logistics. I need to find a good match though, someone who is compatible with me and who I am compatible with. I don’t want to drive anyone crazy. Yes, I am a good person, but after my experience with midwives in Louisiana, I am scarred. I fear judgment and maybe in a way I fear that relationship which is involved with a preceptor and apprentice? Some relationships of other preceptors and their apprentices seem more equal. I don’t know if I will deal well with someone who puts me in my place often; is it oxymoronic to say I don’t need coddling, but I do like direction and directness? I can’t read minds. I will try my best not to ask questions in clinic and to be respectful of the client relationship. I do realize what a big commitment it is and how emotionally draining, time consuming, and burdening it can be to take on an aspiring midwife. I get it. I do, but don’t make me feel that way is all I ask and I will try my best to not make you feel that way. What will her expectations be? Will she be overly religious or spiritual? Will she declare that I am full of negativity like my counterparts in Louisiana have? Not knowing this woman who has graciously accepted to meet with me has me jumpy and nervous. I have little to compare her to except to my warped perception of Louisiana midwives whom, while legally licensed, are not free to practice.
I am taking this ‘day-off’ as a sign that I need to get my immunization paperwork caught up—last I heard my MMR titer was too low. I called the Grant County health department and I can come in today to get my shot. I mean, yes, I read about them in the program handbook and maybe this is where Louisiana and Wisconsin differ, which would be fantastic, but it seems uneasy to me since I have put so much stock into getting an apprenticeship. Maybe I am putting too much stock into it? My friend is sending me my CPR card that I left at her house after taking the class. I should have gotten it before leaving for Wisconsin. It should be here today, so I can go ahead and download the forms necessary for my temporary permit. YAY! I guess I need a back-ground check too? So many forms, so little time…
My Journey as a Licensed Midwife in Louisiana 