Tag: friends

Doula differently

jmacmidwife

            Today I went to a birth.  Yippeee! It was at the home of the couple that I had my very first prenatal. What a coincidence, I know! The birth was fabulous and I loved how the midwife is very aware and forward-thinking. It seems like she is always two-steps ahead. I can’t wait to be at that place too.

            I guess I did okay at the birth. The midwife is not the type to give feedback to apprentices. So, although I love her, I don’t think we will be a good match in the long run, because I am sometimes an idiot and need to be told what I am doing wrong.  If she won’t do this for me, then we may end up in a bad spot. I don’t want to change her, but I also don’t want her to get pissed and our relationship to go to a bad spot. I think she is a great person and would make a good friend.  However, she did give me a little bit of feedback, even though I know that was hard for her to do as she definitely did not want to offend me (and she didn’t). She explained that Amish women don’t like a lot of praise in labor.  Apparently in their culture, you should not tell them you are proud or that they should be proud.  Next time, I will be encouraging, but watch my words more carefully so that I don’t offend anyone.        

            I found out today that although this journal is for the birds, it will come in handy when I write my book someday.  One of my best friends and I have been planning on a book deal once this whole midwifery dust settles.  We have high hopes for ourselves—she wants to be on the MANA board and I want to speak at conferences like Midwifery Today.  Okay, speaking is not my thing, maybe I will just be present. I dunno yet.  However, the big epiphany today is that I couldn’t have done this journey without her.  Our relationship not only helps me get out of bed, but it keeps me from crawling back in.  I am eternally grateful that I found her before starting on this journey as I could not imagine going on it without her.  Her encouragement and support have been invaluable. Thank you dear friend.

Choosing words carefully

jmacmidwife

Well, my friend and I were in the lab yesterday and she mentioned her autoimmune disorder and how she doesn’t want to get any more immunizations.  This wouldn’t have been bad, however, the woman in charge of the lab and coincidentally, immunizations, did hear this.  So, she casually asked us about the program and how everything was going.  We talked about immunizations and the Amish among other things, but nothing too controversial or implicating or so I thought.  I knew better than to talk to people who are associated with my path. Not that everyone is out to get me or anything like that, but I have been bitten so many times by people who think they know better. Most people don’t trust midwives. They are ignorant about them and think they are weird for not seeking a 9 to 5 job with benefits and vacation days. They do not understand why we have to get up in the middle of the night or why we have to spend days with someone or why we have to leave at the drop of a hat. I need to remember that although people are well-intentioned, it is not always for my benefit.  I have also learned that my filter is not always on or it is not always filtering in a way that does not offend people. I know this about myself and am comfortable with working on fixing that filtering process from my head to mouth.  Others are not so forgiving or patient, which is fine, but again, something I need to remember.

Also, feeling comfortable and semi-accepted by my peers has helped.  I am trying not to put too much emphasis on this though because I need to be focusing on my studies and not making friends. Besides, midwives are such fuddy duddies.  You never know when you can trust them or when they are going to run you over with a bus and back up to finish you off.

I feel like a lot of information is floating around up in my head.  Like many dots on a dot-to-dot page.  It seems like eventually they are destined to cross paths and connect, but until then I just keep adding more dots. I have decided that during the holiday break I am going to take a few books, maybe Frye and Walsh, and re-read them. Now that I have a basic understanding and grasp, I can begin to see the pattern, so-to-speak, and I am eager to revisit all the information that I have learned with clarity and vision. Hopefully, I will have time to do this.  I have to remember that this is not medical school. I went to college before and have a degree. I can do this. Yes, circumstances are more complicated now, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t doable. I need to learn to adapt, be kind to myself and patient, but keep insisting on high expectations.

Friends in low places

jmacmidwife

Today, one of my good friends in Louisiana had her baby.  If I still lived in Louisiana, I probably would have attended her birth.  She had had the hard decision of choosing to birth unassisted, in part because she didn’t like the midwifery philosophies available to her or hospital choices. 

She called me about an hour after her birth, unsure why her placenta had not arrived yet.  With my ‘thimble-full’ and Varney, we brainstormed what to do next and she coaxed her placenta out within a few minutes.  She is an enormously strong, confident, amazing woman and I only think she called me was because at that moment the magnitude of having an unassisted birth had hit her, coupled with the fact that physiological third stage is rarely seen, let alone discussed.  Her previous placentas had had ‘gentle cord traction’ applied within minutes of her previous births, so that uncomfortable feeling of having it ‘still’ there was uncharted territory for her, even though she is well-versed in the science and feeling of birth. 

Although it was excruciating not to be physically there with her, I took solace in the fact that she called me in the middle of the night comfortable enough to share her intimate experience with me and more importantly, allowing me to comfort, help, and reassure her in that time.  It is an inexplicably awesome experience to witness a birth, but almost more so, spiritually, to be called from 1,000 miles away.  I am truly grateful for these gifts.