Well, my friend and I were in the lab yesterday and she mentioned her autoimmune disorder and how she doesn’t want to get any more immunizations. This wouldn’t have been bad, however, the woman in charge of the lab and coincidentally, immunizations, did hear this. So, she casually asked us about the program and how everything was going. We talked about immunizations and the Amish among other things, but nothing too controversial or implicating or so I thought. I knew better than to talk to people who are associated with my path. Not that everyone is out to get me or anything like that, but I have been bitten so many times by people who think they know better. Most people don’t trust midwives. They are ignorant about them and think they are weird for not seeking a 9 to 5 job with benefits and vacation days. They do not understand why we have to get up in the middle of the night or why we have to spend days with someone or why we have to leave at the drop of a hat. I need to remember that although people are well-intentioned, it is not always for my benefit. I have also learned that my filter is not always on or it is not always filtering in a way that does not offend people. I know this about myself and am comfortable with working on fixing that filtering process from my head to mouth. Others are not so forgiving or patient, which is fine, but again, something I need to remember.
Also, feeling comfortable and semi-accepted by my peers has helped. I am trying not to put too much emphasis on this though because I need to be focusing on my studies and not making friends. Besides, midwives are such fuddy duddies. You never know when you can trust them or when they are going to run you over with a bus and back up to finish you off.
I feel like a lot of information is floating around up in my head. Like many dots on a dot-to-dot page. It seems like eventually they are destined to cross paths and connect, but until then I just keep adding more dots. I have decided that during the holiday break I am going to take a few books, maybe Frye and Walsh, and re-read them. Now that I have a basic understanding and grasp, I can begin to see the pattern, so-to-speak, and I am eager to revisit all the information that I have learned with clarity and vision. Hopefully, I will have time to do this. I have to remember that this is not medical school. I went to college before and have a degree. I can do this. Yes, circumstances are more complicated now, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t doable. I need to learn to adapt, be kind to myself and patient, but keep insisting on high expectations.
My Journey as a Licensed Midwife in Louisiana 